While looking up ideas for my “3 Way With Nikki Rae” I came across this article claiming that during our lifetime, we only really fall in love 3 times. Crazy right?
When I first started to think about it I blew it off, but as I really thought about my past relationships and my current one, I realized the article was spot on! When I broke down my love life and the difference between dating and actually being in love, it was interesting to see I really had only “loved” 3 people. Let me break it down.
The first love is the “Fairytale“.
Usually your high school sweetheart. That puppy love, the innocent, ignorant, not quite right love. The love you thought was going to last a lifetime, as you force yourself to conform to society’s idea of “true love”. You know what I’m talking about…marriage, kids, white picket fence. This relationship will usually have you thinking that this is what love feels like, because you don’t know any better. Of course, you grow and learn that this love was preparing you for something much deeper, and painful.
Thats exactly how my first relationship was. My hometown was known for teen pregnancy and small town mindedness. Everyone there lived basic lives, and for most thats complete bliss, but for me I always knew I wanted more. But, I tried to fit in to what I thought was the right thing to do. We were young, knew nothing about life or love for that matter, but we thought we had it all figured out. That breakup was pretty harsh, but it was nothing compared to what I was to endure a few years later. My 2nd love.
“I was optimistic that I could “change” him. This was the worst mistake of my life. Those 3 years were filled with nothing but abuse, cheating, lying, deceit, and pain”
The second love is the “Lesson“.
This love will teach you about who you are, and how you want to be loved. This time around you’ll think you made a better choices, when in reality you’re making the same mistake out of the need to learn lessons. This relationship will be the hardest relationship you ever have. It will contain lies, pain, hurt, manipulation and sometimes even abuse. This love is not love at all, filled with toxicity, and drama-but you hold on. Brake ups and makeups are the only consistent things in the relationship. Its the one we keep repeating because every time it goes bad we think we can fix it, and that the next time it happens the outcome will be different. But it isn’t, and somehow always ends up being worse than before. Unhealthy, unbalanced and narcissistic. The high levels of drama are what keep us addicted to the relationship. Like a drug addict, we stick out the extreme lows in hopes for that high.
This is the love I vowed to never have. Growing up in an abusive household and eventually raised by a single mom, I knew I never wanted to endure the pain and anguish my mother put up with from my dad. I was so dominant and aggressive that I made sure I would never allow any man to teat me that way or take advantage of me like that. Until I met my 2nd love. This one I sought after, he was a challenge for me and thats what I liked about it. The guy every girl wanted, the player, dog, cheater, liar and manipulator. Who would ever want a man like that? Especially knowing how terrible of a person he was BEFORE dating him? Well, I was optimistic that I could “change” him. This was the worst mistake of my life. Those 3 years were filled with nothing but abuse, cheating, lying, deceit, and pain. I lost every ounce of the woman I was before I met him. That relationship had me at rock bottom. I regret every second of those 3 years. But, that relationship was a blessing in disguise. It taught me exactly what I wanted out of a partner, how I deserved to be loved, and what I was not willing to put up with. It conditioned me for the 3rd love.
“Knowing what love really feels like, makes you realize why it could have never worked out with anyone else”
The third love is the “Soulmate“.
This is the love we aren’t looking for. The love we don’t see coming. The love that seems effortless, and completely knocks us off our feet. Its the love that can’t be explained. It seems “too soon”, yet its able to break down our walls without a fight. Its patient, understanding, compassionate, respectful, affectionate, accepting, humble, honest, and giving. This love shatters any fears and doubts of what you thought love was. It feels exactly what love should feel like, what a soulmate feels like. Its everything you ever dreamt about and more. Its the forever love.
This is the love I never believed to exist…Until I moved to Utah. I came here for work, and nothing more. I had been single for 6 years before I met my third love. I had completely given up on the idea of “true love” and was so bitter and stuck up when anyone tried to approach me. Then, along came Jhay. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d fall in love so deep that all my fears and insecurities would disappear. Our relationship started out as friends and nothing more. He was everything I didn’t want, yet happened to be everything I ever needed. I’ve never been happier. Knowing what love really feels like, makes you realize why it could have never worked out with anyone else. Ive never been more appreciative for anyone in my whole life. Ive grown so much in these few months, and learned things about myself I never knew. I now realize why the second love had to happen. It shaped me to be the woman I needed to be in order to attract the love I wanted, needed and deserved. Third times a charm, right?